“You’re so annoying with your, ‘always eating healthy bit’. Can’t you just “relax’?! “You are so extreme!”
“I get it, but do you have to think about it morning, noon, and night?!”
“I worry about you.”
“Oh God! This needs salt!”
“I want so much to tell you to relax a bit about all of this.”
I have bad habits, it’s true. I do NOT eat 100% “perfectly” every single bite I take. Today I ate 2 vegan marshmallows which add up to 20g of processed sugar. That’s 5 tablespoons of completely unnecessary and unhealthy sugar I ate. Plus, because I made vegan cupcakes for my son’s birthday celebration at school yesterday, I had a little bit of chocolate frosting I made, from unsweetened vegan dark chocolate, a little bit of brown sugar, and some vegan vanilla marshmallows melted in with a splash of unsweetened soymilk. I ate the rest that was left as I “cleaned” the pot today. It wasn’t a HUGE amount but probably at least another 10 to 15 grams of processed sugar, plus the effects of the chocolate on my arteries and heart. And TOO often I am eating those chocolate covered almonds which ARE "vegan" but have soy lecithin which is a fancy word for oil.
The cupcakes were pretty well liked, although one girl who was sitting right in front of me, a girl my son mentions as being “a bad listener” did NOT like her first bite of the not very sweet ganache frosting and then did not like the taste of the cakey part of the cupcake, got up, turned around and dropped the rest of the uneaten cupcake into the trash behind her.
But all the other 22 kids, including my 4 year old son, seemed to really enjoy it and I even heard my son’s friend say to himself on his way to throw out the empty paper the cupcake was baked in, “MMmmm that was so good!”
I know I ate more sugar today then I should have. And I also had some jelly with my eziekiel bagel that I had earlier for brunch. I am NOT perfect. I do eat sweets. BUT I try to assess them and keep up with them because I am the ONE who suffers when I eat too much sugar. Only I can be the judge and only I can be the one to suffer when I made poor choices. So I chose to make the healthiest choices 95 to 98% of the time. So if I eat a little homemade, no oil, very low sugar, vegan frosting, and a couple of marshmallows, I’m not doing it every single day and make it a rarity. Yesterday was my son’s birthday and we celebrated at school and at home last night. I had about 3 of the cupcakes that I baked. One after I made them. One at night with the kids. And one late at night after they fell asleep.
Today I ate the frosting and the marshmallows and jelly. I also had a beer and still drinking another right now. Tomorrow I am going to bake another cake and try to use some fruit, some vanilla coconut milk vegan yogurt and make some more vegan chocolate marshmallow frosting for it. The cake mix I bought are made with refined flours and cane sugar. This is for my son’s party. I considered making a really low sugar cake but I am trying not to be tooooo extreme and allow some sweets in for celebrations. But I am trying my best to keep out the oil and keep the sugar as low. I also am planning to order cheese-free pizza and not order ANY cheese pizza for anyone of my guests, all family who are not vegans. But this is my apartment and if they don’t like it, they can eat cheese and meat beforehand and after, which most of them will and do anyway. My sister and sister-in-law are both fish, dairy, egg eaters who don’t eat other types of meat. My mom, brother, niece, nephew, brother-in-law, ex-baby-daddy, are all meat, egg, dairy lovers. But too bad for them. One meal, one day out of their norm. And maybe they will bring some meat or dairy over, I will find out tomorrow since I didn’t ask or tell about my menu plans. No animal products, no oil. But if my sisters bring food, I am sure it will have oil, and possibly dairy in it.
I am sure annoying with my always eating healthy though. Yes of course I have my weaknesses, although they may not seem like much compared to other people, it still is a struggle that I face. I do have to remind myself sometimes of why I eat this way. But not for long and not too much. The benefits are self evident. The rewards reaped daily and in every aspects of my life, I feel happier and healthier eating happier and healthier meals.
Today I bought some oil free corn and wheat tortillas. I plan to make my own chips. I checked almost every bag of chips at Whole Foods and not a single one was oil free. So I bought some frozen tortillas to make my own like I saw on a youtube video. I am sure someone else will bring a bag of the oily ones and those are what people will eat. Eating this way is considered odd and dry.
Literally dry as in bland and cardboardy food. And dry as in not moist. And dry as in dull, boring. not showing or communicating warmth, enthusiasm, or tender feeling : severe b: wearisome, uninteresting c: lacking embellishment : plain 13a : not yielding what is expected or desired
I am dull and boring and extremely annoying.
Here is an excerpt from Gary Neuman - Things To Consider The Second Time Around, 5 things to consider before you say 'I do' again “Yes, you say you want to have a great marriage but we don't always do what we say even when we know it's good for us (have you been eating healthy every day of your life? I didn't think so). If your parents' marriage wasn't a good example for you, know that you need to pay special attention to learn how good marriages work. Read books, visit the web, get therapy, or do all of these to learn more about how you will get it right this time around.” Gary Neuman
5 things to consider before you say 'I do' again
The obviously relevant part where he says, we don’t always do what’s good for us, like not eating healthy every day being such a forgone conclusion he says, ‘I didn’t think so’, to emphasize how most of us just don’t even bother eating healthy, even when no one is looking but ourselves. Because we don’t feel a need to commit to ourselves, or to anyone else. We are the grownups and we can do whatever we want to, and if that includes indulging in bad foods every single day, well that is totally normal and even expected so much so that if you DO actually give a Flub and DO want to eat healthy, as much as humanly possible and YES being the weirdo who asks for a side of veggies cooked without oil at a restaurant, often to be told they are prepared before they are even ordered at the beginning of the night and there is NO way to prepare them without, but at least I asked! Now learning that going out to eat or ordering delivery more and more becomes an annoying quest to find foods not cooked and slathered in oil. I even had a big ugly fight with my ex over a delivery that arrived with oil added where it was requested to be left off and where pomegranate seeds were misheard as Parmesan cheese, and I was blamed for being “too extreme” and needing to “let it go” and “relax”.
The sad thing is that if I had had a heart-attack previously or was overweight and I was refraining from consuming oils and sugars because my “life” depended on it, I don’t think these same people would dare tell me I was being extreme and needed to relax. Gosh I hope not. I think they would understand that in order to be heart healthy and body healthy I would need to avoid these fatty, greasy items that harm a body.
But because I am my ideal weight, appear relatively fit, and have never had heart problems, I am expected to eat this crap all the time and am considered problematic and worrisome when I don’t want to and insist on it. Why is this? Why do I have to be close to death in order to be understood about healthy lifestyle choices? The same person who told me how so much she wants to tell me to relax and that she worries about me has a brother who had a heart attack, was overweight and has turned his life around for the better in so many ways by eating a diet that his wife said they call, “The Militant Vegan”. And yes he was in the military. The funny thing is I call it, what I have heard it called, The Whole Food Plant Based No added oil minimally added processed sugar lifestyle.
Today I asked the lady in the body aisle at Whole Foods about any oil-free moisturizer. She seemed shocked and after saying, “What about fish oil? What about argan oil? What about coconut oil? What about jojoba oil? And me repeating, No oil. No oil. No oil. She said, "I think all of ours have oil. Well, you would have to look at the ingredients for them all." She started to help me look and I actually found 2 types that said “Oil-Free” on the front although one did have some kind of oil listed as the last ingredient. But they were $24 and $29 each for a very small bottle, about 2 oz. worth. She was very helpful and even gave me a sample of one of the brands but didn’t have the oil-free specifically. I feel happy searching for “healthier” versions of moisturizers, just as I have changed what I buy over the years for everything from hand soap, shampoo and conditioner, body soap, toothpaste, laundry soap, dish soap, cleaning supplies, menstrual products, deodorant. No perfume, no “air freshener”, only the rarest of occasions for makeup. Yes I am this extreme. I used to make my own laundry soap for awhile when I learned a crazy amount about the perils of most mainstream store bought brands during the 4 years I clothe diapered my sons. This has been a gradual process that started many years ago when I used to buy every colorful product that caught my eye including hair dye I colored my hair in mostly shades of orange and red for years. Once black, too pale! Once platinum! Ruined my hair for real! Chopped the locks off too many many times. Sometimes purple, sometimes striped. Oh the fun of dying hair right?!
Well now I’ve been au natural, dark chestnut brown, since the last time I henna’ed my hair red while I was pregnant with baby #2 who is now 4. So 5 years since I have colored my hair in anyway, and gently naturally the last time. With my first son I felt it was super important to have my hair my natural color because I wanted photos in the future to reflect what I naturally look like! I want myself and my kids and my grandkids and great-grandkids to see pictures or videos of me and know what color my hair really is. Maybe that is a weird notion but I love the idea of being my genuine self. Of loving the me I am without all the editing. Without all the embellishments of my beauty. I always felt my most beautiful as a child and teenager in my natural state, witout makeup, without perfume. I had a lot of fun dying my baby fine hair over the years, but just like every other part of myself, my skin, my body, even my temperament, I’ve always been ultra sensitive to things, like the story goes when I was very little I would cry to my mom that, “my clothes are biting me!’ Because certain tags or seams would irritate my skin. I feel my hand burning and get headaches if I use my cell phone or laptop for awhile. I was repulsed by microwaved food from the start. I rarely could find a bottled juice or beverage option I liked, almost always preferring water or lightly sweetened teas. My sensitivity to meat and dairy and eggs and sugar has guided me through health problems and my intense desire for happiness through health has led me along this path of discovery that forgoing chemicals in every aspect of life possible, like buying organic and not eating pesticides, and not using all the above listed items that can be made either with industry positions and by-products that are harsh and had side effects and when combined in the multitude of endless combinations of interactions get into your organs and info your bloodstreams and cause your body to scream and scheme all kinds of ways to react to these unwanted, unwelcomed, unhealthy bombardments upon us. And we wonder why so many people have so much illness.
Actually I am worried about YOU. You that chooses to eat meat, eggs, and dairy on a daily basis. You who uses chemicals at every turn and chance in the day. You who sprays pesticides on your lawn and on my clouds. You who use your electronic devices without intermission. You who indulge in sugar AND salt excess multiple times daily. You who gave up on your dreams long ago, You who never dealt with your heartbreak or pain. You who believes your dreams aren’t valid or important. You who chooses to turn away from your deepest wants and needs and your deepest wishes and dreams. You who walks around with unresolved anger. You who is addicted to your daily medication. You who thinks that foods that are actually killing you and causing more illness are healthy and necessary and vital for you. You who thinks you can never change. You who thinks change is so difficult and so unworth the effort that you will suffer with obesity and illness and a general feeling of dissatisfaction all your life. You who thinks that caring about your own well being in body, mind, emotions and spirit is somehow cultish or obsessive or delusional or self-centered. You who never made a move or took a chance or tried to step out of your comfort zone. You who believes that a nice body and a nice mind and a nice life are only for other people, not you.
But I could not be talking about you You. No. I am only talking about other yous. Not you. Them you. Not you you.
So go on and wish I would relax. Go on and worry about me. I will try to do my best to eat my best every chance I get. Like I just gobbled up some no oil woven wheat crackers with some unsweetened apple butter and some chunks of organic banana on top followed by a bowl of no oil flax multi-grain flakes topped with some of Rip Esselstyn’s “Engine 2: Rip’s Big Bowl Triple Berry Walnut” no oil cereal with a little soymilk, yummy! Late night vegan no oil no added sugar snacks! Mmm mmm yum.
Tomorrow, well actually later today as it is already 1:40AM :O I will bake another no oil vegan cake. I will eat some too. I will have some guacamole. I might eat some chips. I might have some more beer.
But then I have a healthy lifestyle to continue and I will continue to be dry, animal and oil free. I will continue my quest for happiness through health and I will find my tribe who get and love my vibe.
This ↑↑ is not me but my dream
This is me ↓↓ with dark circles under my eyes as a teen, the shirt looks stained but it was just the crinkled plastic of those old-timey photo album photo covers for the pages:
This is me circa 2015:
There is a whole food plant based no oil dancing buddhist vegan for me out there in the great big galaxy, preferably local
Tracy McMillan ~ There Person You Really Need to Marry
Alexandra Redcay ~ Select the Right Relationship