We Are Not Responsible For How Others Behave [Ex-friends Or Anyone]
By Love Living Peach
with additional video comments
Available Now on Patreon
We Are Not Responsible For How Others Behave [Ex-friends Or Anyone]
Just keep remembering that we’re not responsible for how others behave. We can’t control how other people choose to show up.
It always hurts when distance has grown with someone we were once extremely close with. Or someone we once believed we were extremely close with.
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Someone who we clicked with at a former stage of life, and now distance has grown. It seems that nothing will reconnect us with the same aura of closeness and trust.
Has the trust been broken?
Did they change dramatically? Did I?
Did I learn who they are more intimately and now know we are not as compatible as it seemed?
Did they fall out of love with me because of something I’ve done? Even platonic love.
Is our difference of opinion a deal breaker? An impasse?
Did our connection reach its natural conclusion? Some connections do run their course sometimes sooner than we wished.
Has their investment in our connection dried up into indifference? Was it me who took their presence for granted? Or did I do something that hurt them?
Was there a wound caused that can’t be healed?
Sometimes there is no healthy thing left to do but to move on with love.
Remembering, we are not responsible for how others behave.
Others are free to show up as they desire.
True connections are mutually desired, equally invested in, and sometimes arrive at a point of disconnection.
Disconnection does not need to have negative meanings.
Sometimes healthy, happy people naturally grow apart just as they originally naturally came together. click below to continue reading...
Many friendships are actually connections-of-convenience that form due to parallel lives that intersect. Temporarily.
Sometimes these friendships feel strongly bonded. Especially with a person we might see 5 times a week, often for long hours, 8 or more hours a day.
When circumstances that organically bring us together change, sometimes we are shocked to learn that the friendship we believed was deep, was actually a friendship of convenience to the friend we felt so bonded to.
Or maybe we find it's us who realized they were a friend of convenience to us, that we don't actually desire to maintain after we left the once organic circumstances of seeing them regularly. Maybe we don't have the energy to keep up and stay in touch.
Maybe we said we would because we believed that. But when circumstances changed, our feelings changed. Once it stops being naturally organic to see a person frequently, the friendship will require intentional effort, attention, and desire to keep it going.
Friendships of convenience usually do not manage to transition into friendships of intention. Unless that level of intentional friendship developed during the convenient circumstances that brought you together naturally, the friendship will likely fade, or even abruptly cease once circumstances change.
I once had a friendship of convenience I strongly believed was truly a deeper connection, especially as we spent time together outside of the office. But I learned I was her everyday lunch bestie because we sat only steps apart in the same department, and had the same lunch schedule.
I believed all our out of the office hang outs, even with each other's families, meant this was a real deal friendship.
But it wasn’t.
For her, once I was no longer working at the same place, there was just nothing left to make it easy for us to see each other.
Her real feelings about me, that were not actually friendly, she’d shared with another co-worker, “mutual friend”. Once she no longer needed my company, my other “friend” decided to ‘let me know’ how badly my so-called bestie spoke about me, for at least a year before I had left the job.
That lost friendship, and feeling betrayed, gave me a new perspective on friendships that develop under those convenient circumstances. I suggest a higher level of discernment when forming these kinds of friendships.
My real life bestie, is another friendship that also formed conveniently at a mutual job where we once saw each other daily.
Now, I haven’t seen her physically since 2007 because I moved out of state, going on 14 years this November, but we speak almost every week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I feel she is truly a mutually intentional friend.
Some friendships can be maintained after graduation, after the job change, after the relocation, after the new relationship starting, or the current relationship ending, after learning more about each other’s religious beliefs and practices, parenting styles, introvert/extrovert levels, need for attention, need for autonomy, egos powers and intentions, intended life paths, medical beliefs, genuine connectedness and compatibility vs I’ve known you for years, or we grew up together, or we have so much history, mutual friends, etc. etc. etc. reasons that people cling to their connection outside of, “We genuinely fit well into each others lives. We bring each other joy. We uplift each other. We both enjoy this connection.”
These are, what I believe, are healthy reasons to continue investing in a connection.
The presence of another person has a strong energy cocktail that mixes with our energies and we can become so accustomed to these energies that we can feel that we can not live without them.
Or in less extreme situations, we know we can live without them, but only in a much diminished level of joy or capacity for joy.
We might not feel an enormous loss, or less joy overall, but a dull ache of just missing the person. Sadness for a lost connection.
Or it can be a huge relief to be free of the energy cocktail created by being around them, but the energy shift can be dramatic enough to cause imbalance which can lead to negative energy states that linger, or persist.
Sometimes even when leaving a very abusive connection or relationship, knowing that there is only good to come from the disconnection and nothing good coming from staying connected, the shift of energy can still be overwhelming, or even unbearable.
The energetic shift can create a lot of fear in a person who knows this is the best thing to break free from this connection, but how to move on in health and wealth can be challenging.
It is for me as I continue to know and believe the healthiest relationships are mutually desired, mutually invested in between people who trust each other, are trustworthy, and both show up for each other.
Sometimes nothing dramatic, hurtful, or eventful at all happened, and 2 people just slipped out of each other's lives bit by bit over time. Until, one day, you realize, wow, I haven’t connected with them in years. Or them with me.
And you don't plan to. And neither do they.
We can move on in love regardless of how the moving on came to be.
Trust that not every connection is intended to be ‘forever’ and that is a natural aspect of life. Not a negative. Not a positive. Just an is.
Life and people grow, and evolve. Friendships, relationships, well-matchedness, mutually desired investment shifts, and we can be with all these truths in love.
We can love ourselves for being authentic in our connections.
We can love others for being authentic in their connections.
We can love people from a great distance, in vibration and emotion only, even if we once saw them face-to-face daily.
We can allow ourselves and others the grace of evolution.
Move on in love for you, for them, for all the new connections to make, and all the people we can get to know more intimately now that there is room in our life to make ourselves available to do so.
The space created in our lives by moving on from a once close connection can be joyfully invested in with connecting more deeply with others who are well-matched for us to do so, now.
Knowing that all friendships, relationships, connections have energy, lifespans, purposes, stages, bridges, and impermanence in the physical realm is frightening and liberating.
Some connections are eternal, infinite, vibrational beings connected for eternity.
Some are finite human connections. Limited. But still powerful.
We can allow ourselves to grow in love.
I can allow myself to move on in love and evolve towards friendships and connections that are more intentional and less convenient circumstantial and the maturity to discern the difference.
The maturity to allow each type of connection to be what it is.
To allow that others may consciously know, and choose if they will be in your life, closely and intimately connected to you, ever or for a brief time, or forever.
To also allow that others may drift away from us without any ill intent, but just over the natural course of where their path takes them.
But we all do grow and evolve, sometimes in unexpected ways.
Those unexpected ways may lead us to no longer be compatible with someone we were once perfectly matched with.
We can allow ourselves to grow even if that means connections change. Knowing They Always Do.
By Love Living Peach